Recently I ventured into understanding Mary Wollstonecraft, born in the mid-1700’s and considered by many the first feminist. It was heartbreaking to hear her story of early childhood, especially her father.
As I began to think through how her experiences could have formed her, I felt empathy for her concerns about the tyranny of men. I recognized times in my own life when I felt scared and vulnerable in various situations. I saw her desire to solve this problem of violent men and their harm towards women, both individually and at a broader level.
But then I heard my friend Sylvie’s* story, and realized we have a choice.
She grew up in Europe with a father who was harmful. The way he treated her, her younger sister, and her mother, was despicable. By the time Sylvie was a teenager, she would sit in front of her sister’s doorway to ward him off, and when he would come home drunk with a shade of violence in his step, she would challenge him to face her, rather than her mother. She was a fighter, and courageous, in the face of his temper and belligerence.
If you met her today, though, you wouldn’t find her slugging it out. You would likely find her the kindest and most loving person you know. She always shows genuine interest in those around her, and has softened her once hard shell. She is healed, and you can see that in how she loves the people around her.
What happened along the way?
Sylvie eventually moved out of the house. She found space for creativity, and she found her way back to the Catholic Church. In His beautiful way, Jesus began to heal her heart through healthy relationships, showing her how valued and loved she is by the One who created her, and eventually bringing a kind, gentle man into her life as a husband. Through knowing that she is loved by God, and experiencing that in community, she has forgiven her father (forgiving means letting go of the desire for revenge, not saying what they did was okay), and choosing to bless him instead.
And today, she is now caring for him in his old age.
That journey, from hate to forgiveness, to blessing and finally to love (def: desiring the good of the other) is how we are truly set free. I wish that I could tell Mary Wollstonecraft about Sylvie’s story. That she could know that rather than choosing to punish all men and try to “take down the patriarchy”, that she had the option to forgive her father, walk with her mother to healing, and making the way for true peace and love. While I can no longer share this with Mary, I do hope that if you or someone you know has walked this path, you can share the hope of real restoration, and remember that whatever has happened in your life, there is a choice and a way toward healing.
*Name changed for anonymity.
Veritable with Emma 
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